IGN Reviews Non-existant Blu-ray Title

 

If you needed further proof that you really shouldn't believe everything you read online, or that our media is massively failing us as a nation, then read on.

IGN has recently published a fairly thorough review of a Blu-ray movie title that doesn't actually exist.  The review goes into some detail on the video and audio quality of the non-existant title "Van Helsing."  I've pasted the text below, in case they remove it due an impending flood of emails, but, at the moment the review can be accessed here:

Van Helsing (Collector's Edition) Blu-ray Review

Spend (even more) time investigating Hugh and his attempt to be an action hero of old.

by Laura Burrows

July 10, 2008 - There's little that can prepare audiences for the unmitigated pablum that is Van Helsing. Abrasive self indulgence of this magnitude has not been seen since VH director Stephen Sommers' last film, The Mummy Returns.

Every step of the way...and in nearly every since of the word...Van Helsing represents the worst qualities of the big-budget actioners regularly churned out by the Hollywood machine, while possessing little of their occasional charm. VH is overwrought, over-loud, over-produced, and ill-considered. Much like George Lucas, Sommers has clearly been seduced by the misguided notion that "bigger" and "noisier" are adequate substitutes for wafer-thin storytelling. The truth of the matter is: all the glitz and pop in the universe can not bring heart and soul to a project whose essence is grounded solely in the use...and misuse...of technology. And when there is no heart and soul, a movie can get old very, very fast.
Score: 2 out of 10
(Movie Review by Glen Oliver)

Video and Presentation
Van Helsing is presented in 1.85:1 widescreen at 1080p resolution. The black and white opening kicks things off nicely with a silky smooth picture that's high in contrast and free of imperfections. The quality dips a bit once the film goes into color, but it remains at an above-average level. Often in CGI-heavy films like this, the effects don't stand up well under the scrutiny of high-definition. That's not necessarily the case here. Let's put it this way, the monsters don't look any worse than they did in the theater. The lighting is on the dark side, both indoors and out, but the action is still visible most of the time. The subdued color palette is rendered in rich clarity, and the contrast levels are good throughout. The look is about what you'd expect from a recent release, nothing more, nothing less.
Score: 7 out of 10

 

Languages and Audio
Not much has changed since the release of the HD DVD: The Dolby Digital Plus 5.1 surround soundtrack is still available in English, Spanish and French. The audio hits with a force that is impressive, although a little more oomph in the low end and a better use of the surround system would have made it even more effective. The rear channels do get some play in key action scenes, with sound effects, music and dialogue flitting in and out, but the moments chosen for these punctuations often seem incongruous with what's happening on the screen. For the most part, the dialogue is broadcast cleanly through the center channel, though that may not always be a good thing.
Score: 7 out of 10

Packaging and Extras
It seems as though the production team at Universal just can't get enough of Van Helsing. Since its release in May 2004, there have been multiple DVD releases each with varying outtakes and oddities capturing the same two-hour too-long mess of bad CG and additional 10 hours or so of featurettes. Previous disk sets included such things as two disk manipulations complete with either HD, widescreen, or full screen options. Somewhere out in the back shelves of Target one can even find a three disk version vastly overpriced at $29.98 that celebrates the joys of three poorly reconstructed 20's and 30's classic horror films.
This three-disc set includes a second disc full of extras plus three classic horror films: Dracula, Frankenstein and The Wolf Man. Some of the extras included in this set are: Commentary with Director Stephen Sommers and the Producer, Sommers' "Filmmaker's Diary," chronicling one week of the production, "Love Bites," a mockumentary in which Dracula's brides dish on their boss and of course a random assortment of outtakes.

The latest edition, the "2-disk Collectors Edition" due in stores on July 11, comes with a whole new list of 'special' features, but they all seem to be a regurgitation of what has already been seen. --It's all of the previous editions combined (taking one too many trips around the old haunted castle via interactive map). The special features available include:
Disk 1 offers:

• "Explore Dracula's Castle" A point and click tour of the set
• Bloopers
• Bringing the Monster to Life
• "You are in the Movie" a behinds the scenes look at production
• The Legend of Van Helsing
• Feature Commentaries

Disk 2 Offers:

• "Evolution of a Life Story" with a drop down menu of another tour of the lab
• "Dracula's Lair Transformed" –'30 days in 2 minutes' featurette
• "The music of Van Helsing" featurette
• "Van Helsing: The Story, the Life, the Legend" featurette
• Interactive map
• Subtitles

If there were any more maps in this two-disk set one would be able to circumnavigate the globe. Not that any of them are particularly interesting, but it seems as though an interactive map was the only way they could get rid of all of the extra film the wasted recording the behind the scenes footage. The commentaries that accompany some of the tours are interesting; exploring the burning mill, for instance, had some good information from the production team, but the majority of the map stuff was boring and repetitive.
Score: 5 out of 10

The Bottom Line
If you enjoy touring sets, over and over again, this is the two-disk set for you, but if you have any other edition of Van Helsing you probably have already seen enough of Dracula's castle to stifle your imagination for any future vampire films so be contented with that.

What appears to have happened (my best guess) is that the reviewer in question was told to review the new 2-disc special edition DVD of the movie, but didn't actually feel like sitting through the movie again.  So, rather than at least popping it into her DVD player to at least check out the audio and video quality, she decided it would be easy enough to write sight unseen.  Unfortunately (for her), she assumed incorrectly that the latest release of the title was on Blu-ray, so her made up review discussed the 1080p video and DD+ audio quality that obviously aren't there on the DVD.

So, the next time you read a professional review of a Blu-ray disc (or video game) that seems completely at odds with your own opinion of the movie or game, don't feel bad: you watched or played the disc... the "professional reviewer" may not have bothered.  At the minimum, I would be careful not to put too much credence in IGN's reviews of anything going forward.

Of course, you can easily argue that making up movie reviews is pretty low on the totem pole of immorality, but if movie reviewers can make up their stories, what's to stop investigative journalists or political reporters from doing the same?

Season 5 of the great TV show "The Wire" dealt with the ever-changing news business and the pressure for newspapers and reporters to "do more with less" leading to some highly unethical practices... so, if you're interested in how things like this happen (and how they get by editors) check out that latest season when it comes out on DVD this fall.  Or... simply wait for the IGN review of the non-existant Blu-ray release.

If you feel like emailing the IGN writer who "reviewed" this title or the editors responsible, you can do so here.