(Note: Before people who know me think I've lost my mind, this is a joke. If you read it and don't get the joke, or are so offended you threw something at your computer monitor, keep in mind by accessing this page you agree to the hold harmless agreement found in the terms of use on the main page of this blog. To everyone else, feel free to add your signature to this all important petition in the comments field below.)
Everyone sign my HD DVD petition, and email it to all the BD-supporting companies with your signature:
We, the undersigned HD DVD zealots demand that your consumer electronics company, movie studio, or stores support our format of choice for the following reasons:
1) We purchased HD DVD players, knowing full well that your company supported the rival format, on the natural assumption that our single purchase would immediately cause your multinational corporation to rethink its long-term business strategy to agree with our decision,
2) We are the customers, and customers are always right. Now, we don't buy your company's products or shop at your stores, and we spend every waking moment trashing your company on online message boards, but we still feel we have the right to demand action of you, without any promise that we would ever purchase your products in the future,
and
3) We believe that it is far more important for you to agree with our political agenda than for your company to make any money, or for this HD format "war" to end so that consumers may buy the rival format in confidence. Really, we want both formats to fail so that HD downloads can take over, which you company will make no money from, but Microsoft (the undeniably greatest corporation to ever rule the world) would profit nicely from. Hopefully, this will allow them to continue fixing all my defective XBox 360's that seem to break on a monthly basis.
Now, you have sided with "the other side" in this battle, so let us explain what is wrong with your logic:
1) High definition video should not require more space than an mp3. We have it on good authority that Microsoft is developing an improved VC-1 codec that will allow 300 hours of 1080p video to fit on a floppy disc. All this nonsense about bitrate and storage capacity is just FUD spouted by those who actually want HD optical discs to succeed. As we already stated, we do not, and 50GB is far too much to download... which is what we really want to do.
2) Sales don't matter. Sure, your internal research might show that Blu-ray disc sales are over twice that of HD DVD sales, and thus you may feel comfortable in your position. But see, according to our own made up research, all you should really care about are "attach rates," something that you always forget to mention in all of your investor reports and market analysis. The perfectly logical reason for this is that you will have far fewer customers, but they might buy more. This would allow you to close stores and fire employees as you would only need to have stores around those few people who are buying the discs. See. Less sales, but less overhead as well! Sure, it may not make sense to your accountants, but seriously... we've decided this matters. Also, in order to calculate the attach rate, please count every PS3 that has been produced worldwide as a BD player, and compare that the number of BD sales in the US. See how outrageously low that attach rate is... and it's all because the PS3 is a Blu-ray disc player.
3) Which brings us to... the PS3 is NOT a Blu-ray disc player, and the other side needs to stop claiming it as one. We certainly don't and never would (except when calculating point 2... then they all count... even if they're made for other parts of the world).
4) Price of players is the only thing that matters. And the price of discs doesn't matter at all. This certainly goes without saying, but cheap Chinese players available in various cool lead-based colors will undoubtedly win the "war" for HD DVD. Toshiba has dropped prices an unprecedented number of times... and look how well it's worked! (Again, look at our claimed attach rate, not the actual sales.) We're right around the corner from the onslaught. That's why we feel so confident that we're starting this position to demand your support.
So, for all of these reasons, we demand that your company support our format. If you don't we will continue trashing your company online. If you do we promise to love you until all the HD DVD combo discs fail to play in your player (which they will fail... they've shown that), and then we'll go back to hating you. But, hey, it could be a nice couple of months.
Signed:
__HD DVD Zealot #1____________________________________
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